Agony of Losing Parents Away from Home

I woke up this morning a little bit odd than usual. My pillows are on the floor and my eyes are aching or something. Then the usual or routinary thing to do, get in the bathroom and prepare for work. Upon reaching for my toothbrush I saw my reflection on the mirror. I look terrible, what could have happened in five hours while I was asleep. My eyes are swollen and some remnants or traces of salty water on my face. I could have been crying in my sleep but I don’t remember anything.

The gush of water from my head to my face suddenly jerked my memory. I dreamt of my late father, we were talking (as if he was still here) about my brothers and sisters like we always do when we get the chance. We are both concern of their current situations in life. As if he were telling me that he’s leaving for good and I should do something about it. Then we talked of my late mother of how much she loved me and how proud she was of me. Then all turned blurry like a dream as it is but enough to make me sob.

I lost my mother on November 2009 and I was not able to go home as I was just starting to pick up the pieces after a troubled year of my stay here in Qatar. It was my father who told me “Son, I know it’s hard for you but better not force it to go home and lose your job in the process”. He knew better and I was in a bad situation. I heeded to his words and just mourned in my own ways by composing poems for my mother. It was too much for me that depression made me lose not pounds but kilos of weight. That was two years ago yet still fresh in my mind.

Last July 27, 2011 I came back here in Qatar after my annual vacation. In the morning of July 29, I received a call from my brother. My father passed away. Again I was not in a position to go home to see him for the last time. I was in a state of denial for a very long time; I refrained from answering my wife’s phone calls because I am convincing myself that it was just a nightmare and I will wake up from it.

I know this kind of things happen to a lot OFWs that’s why I decided to share this “article” just to let them know that they are not alone and it’s a sad part of being away from home but it doesn’t make you less of a child to your parents. Sometimes we have to choose between bitter and sour because sweets aren’t served at the moment.

Below are some of the poems I made for my Mother and Father to whom I owe my life.

On Your Anniversary

A year have passed
But the hurt still lingers
A year have passed
But still I suffer

It’s been like forever
Last time I've seen your smile
It’s been like forever
Since I heard you laugh

If time can be measured
By the changes of weather
And years be measured
By the rain that pours

It will take a thousand cyclones
Before I can let go of you
A thousand thunderstorms
Before the pain be washed away

Nights will not heed
Without me calling for you
Pillows beneath my head
In the morning, soaked in tears

I want to believe, you’re around
Trying to smell your fragrance
Clinging to your gentle hand
Like I did when I was a child

But don’t be alarmed mama
I am perfectly alright
Don’t worry my mama
Soon I’ll get over it

And believe me, I’ll be brave
Even though I am miles away
I won’t be there on your grave
But I’ll light a candle today


Death of the Pillar

Desolation upon me, pain I couldn’t explain
Confused and lost, drench in suffocating mist
Cold breeze envelopes, a lacerated heart

Dawn never came; dark of night wraps my being
Shed tears dried up, still wound within me stings
Rock that used to be, buried beneath the ground

He, the pillar has gone, shall never return
Rock that he is, soon dust he will become
But his wisdom forever be embedded in my mind

Father let me mourn, but not with disdain
I am your son; will carry your legacy, your name